Your Privacy: A Black Hole-Free Zone
At Celebrimous, we treat your data like Schrödinger’s cat—carefully observed but never messed with. Here’s how we handle your cosmic signals:
1. What We Collect (And Why)
- Voluntary Transmissions:
- Emails: When you contact us or subscribe, we collect your email to send updates (and the occasional existential joke).
- Comments: Share theories on articles? We store your username, comment, and IP address (to fend off spam aliens).
- Automatic Cosmic Breadcrumbs:
- Cookies: Tiny data crumbs to remember your preferences (e.g., dark mode fans, rejoice!).
- Analytics: Tools like Google Analytics track site traffic—no personal info, just star maps of user behavior.
2. How We Use Your Data
- To Fuel Our Mission:
- Improve content (because even wormholes need tweaking).
- Respond to your messages (we promise no chatbot doppelgängers).
- Send newsletters (opt-out anytime with one click—no black hole required).
- Never For:
- Selling your data to third-party empires.
- Cloning you into a parallel universe (we’re not supervillains).
3. Data Sharing: Strictly Need-to-Know Basis
- Trusted Allies: We use third-party services (e.g., email providers, analytics) that follow privacy laws. They’re bound by contracts tighter than a neutron star.
- Legal Obligations: We’ll share data only if required by law (e.g., subpoenas, not because we’re snitches).
4. Your Cosmic Rights
Under GDPR and other laws, you can:
- Access: Ask what data we have about you (email [email protected]).
- Correct: Update typos in your email faster than fixing a time paradox.
- Delete: Erase your data from our servers—poof, like a quantum fluctuation.
- Opt-Out: Unsubscribe from emails via the link in every newsletter.
5. Security: Fort Knox Meets Force Field
- Encryption: Data is scrambled in transit (HTTPS, not alien hieroglyphs).
- Limited Access: Only authorized team members handle your info (and they’re too busy debating multiverses to snoop).
6. Cookies: Not the Chocolate Chip Kind
- What They Do: Remember login details, track site stats, and ensure ads (if we ever have them) aren’t annoying.
- Control: Adjust cookie settings in your browser. But disabling them might break the space-time continuum (or just some site features).
7. Kids & the Multiverse
- COPPA Compliance: We don’t target under-13s. If a time-tweeting tween slips through, let us know, and we’ll beam their data into oblivion.
8. Policy Updates
- Changes: We’ll post updates here. Major shifts? We’ll email subscribers (unless you’re in a no-email universe).
- Effective Date: 3/20/2025
Contact the Privacy Guardians
Questions? Suspect a data leak? Contact us:
- Email: [email protected]
Stay curious, stay secure.
The Celebrimous Team
P.S. This policy applies in all known (and hypothetical) realities.